Stand Up for Love

Today is almost the end of November and December is coming soon. Thats mean we gona embrace year 2013 in a while. I still remember this time last year, I had a huge tuning point in my life and I was really lost physically ( I still lost nowadays but mentally stm hahaha). That time I couldn't make decision for my life and I kinda like an "obedient pet" that been guided anyway and everywhere. sound funny ya :p Back then I didnt have much awareness and life is as simple as " if something happen, normally its others fault" "Im the best and how can I go wrong" " I am an awesome gf and friend so how dare ppl hurt me" " I have done my best, others dun appreciate me" . I have been living in my own illusion for almost 27 years. Till last November, I joined CV, well, it didnt change my life immediately, but since then, it changes my way of thinking, and it creates more chances for me to explore the real me and the value of life. Since I was exposed to The Four Agreements, I learned alot from them. Its easy to remember whats the four agreements but when come to real life, we forget about it from time to time. My close friends always remind me for having real time with myself and I always reply " ya i totally agree with you". However that "self time" last short . ooopsy :p I almost never have time for myself. Probably had for about a week ? This is one of my old pattern that I must break. Learn how to date with myself and spend time w myself. Only this special moment, the voice of knowledge keep silent while my heart speaks. I kill by my voice of knowledge ( monkey minds) most of the time and it only disappear when I allow free time for myself. Whenever problem occurs, my voice of knowledge voiced up with wrong suggestions and I didnt wan to follow them. However I still follow coz I got confuse by the truth. I know what's real happiness for me. This is the moment I feel happy. The moment where I let go my ego and listen to my heart. I committed to do better in my life and live my life with more love. There are few aspects that I would love to improve and confess as well. 

Family: I used to spend so much time and efforts on my partner and I never do special thing for parents. Guess what since my mom on ipad, thing changed alot. I learn to treat her like how i treat my friends and partner. I wa with my mom most of the time and I skype her everywhere I go and everyday. I send her my ugly pics. Even tho she thinks they are ugly, but she laughs with my daddy. Of coz i send her lovely pics of me and now she thinks Im pretty. shyshy. Last nite was my first time sending my audio notes to her. She was glad and shared with my dad. I was so loved. My relationship with my parents grow even more when we share the same technology :p Thanks to apple :p I always wana do sth for my friends esp their wedding and this time I gona sing for sis wedding as per mom requested. Cant believe she requested coz she always thinks i have crap voice :p Last night I shared my wedding dream with my mom and I was happy that she accepted it hehe of coz I know one day when i really in a relationship  she might complain like how she does but i believe at the end of the day she wan real happiness for me. 

Career: I consider myself a super lucky bunny. I might do not have special achievements in my career and earn extra lots but I have close relationships with most of my colleagues since my first job. I had to confess that I complained alot for my official first job due to my boss temper. Well alot agreed with it, but if back then, I had more compassion, understanding and willing to look at the good side of the job , im pretty sure I could be so much happier. Im thankful that I have been another chance again. Im sure u all know Im currently working in Sg now and I have a super great working environment. Trust me, I have a super nice boss and my colleagues are best. They are not only my work mate but they are my close buddies. I feel so homey everyday when i come to work. I believe, as long as i am thankful with what I have given, everyday is the best day. 

Contribution: I have been doing quite well in this field but hv to confess that I dun really commit alot. Theres always moment I wana lie on bed and spend time w bun bun at home :p knowing that I could hv done more and spend more effort together with time. I will make sure I am healthy enough to help more ppl. While doing contribution, not only we learn to help but we create our own values. Whats the values I learned from all the activities ? Seriously, I didnt practise them and I seem have difficulties in it. How to live with it instead of do it. Thats a task for myself. 

Relationship: My biggest challenge in life. Reason is because I focus too much on this pillar. My biggest illusion is that I must have a partner even I dun feel good and right because I am not even getting ready. Why I say I am not ready. Reason is because I could not love with all my heart and I fear I will fail. Hence, this creates a huge conflict in me and at the same time, I hurt and pressure my partner. I know that thing will be easier if I found the right one. So why in a hurry. The challenge in me is to stay violet and understand the values I wan to created from my relationship. However I am thankful that I learned lots of values from my past relo and I grow alot from it tho I always out of power when I cant trust totally. I wish my partner could talk to me more about the problems I am facing . Well this is call expectation already. How am I gona expect him to do things I wan him to do . He is him and he has his own way to deal with our problems. I am glad that I have been given a chance to start my relationship again with myself and go deeper again. I am sure that by going through all the challenges, I am growing. I have faith in myself. Keep going and rising. I will fail again thats why I journal to remind and create the awareness. I believe I can be an empowering CuteRabbit. 

So CR gona say halooo to love and byebye to fear. oopsy should be haloo to both love and fear. We will be good friends :)) Best day my beautiful people!!

The Tiny Voice

Today is our Best Best Day :) I woke up with a smile on me coz last nite I finally ate my fave chinatown vegan dumpling. Yum Yum!! And of course bunbun is sleeping beside me peacefully hehehe. Everyday is a brand new start and I gona live my life till the fullest again. Falling down could be as easy as reading ABC but I am confident enough that I could rise again like the energetic sun. In fact I am already :) 

Actually, I was feeling really miserable and guilty for the past few days . I blamed myself alot of things I could have done better. So many questions in my mind. What type of lady I am ? I am definitely covered up by jealousy, doubts and low self esteem. What happen to the classes I have attended. What happen to the values I extracted from books I read. What happen to my positive energy. What happen to myself. Everything seems perfect but when it comes to relationship, I couldnt surpress myself. I wish to have more time and chance to re-aligned and to solve the problem. I believe theres always a way. It depends if we really willing to. When we are totally letting go our ego and be vulnerable, there will be a stronger bonding. I wasnt sure which one is a better choice : letting go or go deeper to solve the doubts. 

While I was focusing on the questions and problems, I was aware that I am repeating my old pattern again . I realise my old pattern isnt actually cant make up my mind to let go a relationship ( I had that problem in most of my relationship) but to be vulnerable enough and have the courage to face my fear. letting go is always easier than to face the truth us. 

All the questions are no longer important when I am aware that our true nature is to love and be happy, to explore and enjoy life. Its so simple. I have to learn to believe in something without a doubt. If I have no doubt about what I believe, then it is truth. I once told myself, this is my choice and I will keep trusting and loving my choice. Sorry to say that I forgot about my promises to myself. I was lost again about what I wan . However when I allow some times for myself, I wan simple things. I wan to love . I wan to spread my love. Thats the time I feel super Ten and happy. Well, i know what i wan. But when it comes to daily life, fear hides my love. Oh gosh.. I actually allow that to happen. 

I have to trust myself that I am able to let miracle happen again. I can do even better :) I have faith in me. Go Go Go CuteRabbit & Keep Moving On !!!
Here some of my "zhi lian" pictures! Have a great evening friends :)

Emotions are Real

Street Fund Raising 

Last Sunday was my first time experiencing street fund raising for NY Sandy victims and I had so much awareness. It was definitely a tough job to me physically and mentally. As you know, I get tired easily due to my lack of exercise and I cant stand hot weather and long hours of standing. However I took the challenge because apart from the mini problems I shared, I am still a healthy CuteRabbit with active body that is prepared to help anytime and everywhere. We were sort of trained for this event and this activity been carried out for different "events" for years and it is always successful. 

When I was on duty, I was touched by my own action as well as the volunteers. Hmm lets see how I can explain this feelings to you all. Ok. When I was holding the donation box, I was actually holding the seed of hope. This is the hope for the victims that we gona help. And this hope comes from the love from the public. Imagine with all the love that we collected.... how powerful this can be. You might be wondering well how can our one cent or 1 dollars help. Imagine u lost your home, and you are cold now. With just the $10 you received, you might be able to buy few cans of mushroom soup and warm up your tummy. The more funds we collected, the nearer of the dream for the victims to rebuild their home. We all know how important home is to us. Many of us rather dun spend just to pay loan for a house or an apartment. Because ... thats our home... 

Its not about how much money we donated or collected, its the blessings we gave to the victims. Its not just to the Sandy victims, its to everyone that stays on this earth. We are all created from love and we survived from love. Every donations I collected from the public, I felt so grateful. This is definitely a land filled with love. Both my hands were shivering coz my box was fulled and my legs muscles were in pain and my back was really hurt . However I was very sure that they all meant nothing compare to the suffer of losing a home. 

At the same time, I experienced challenges when some of the public doubted the action. I still believe its coz of the misunderstanding that been created. 

Same thing happened to our reality life. We all can actually live in a "non-judgment" world but we chose not to. We chose to believe our "knowledge" that say we know anything and we will do whatever we can to make sure we wont get hurt while we build the wall and our ego controls our emotion. Ok dun say we. lets say "I". How am I gona practise the values I learned from all the activities I joined. Its keep on reminding and stay awared. Whats the main purpose of all these activities ? Its all about love.. as simple as that. We spread our love by showing it to ppl surround us. Why is it easy when we spread it to strangers but not to our love ones. Best friends ? Mom ? Dad ? Partner ? Boss ? Colleagues ? We always think that they dun love us enough and everything doesn't make sense. I have to be the first to raise up my hand to have all these thoughts. Reason is because I chose to see the flaws instead of the love. My heart been covered up by fear. 

Kinda frustrated when I had all these feelings. But!!! After the experience, I have to once again and again to be awared. It was clear to me that every emotion I feel comes directly from my integrity. When I noticed it, I no longer repressed my emotions. They are the most important part of my story because I know that my feelings are authentic. I do not false them. They are all belong to me. My emotions are telling me how I am doing in my life, and by following my emotions, I can change my circumstances. 

I strongly believe I could face every problem, fix the problem and be happy again. It doesnt matter how many time I face problem, because I will keep fixing and stay happy. 

CuteRabbit is always proud to be in Tzu Chi uniform :) 

Street Fund Raising will be continue for the coming weekend and do hope everyone in Sg will continue to support us. Lets spread the love to the USA Sandy Victims and of course to our environment. 

My dad looks so cute in his shirt. He was skyping with me while I was on my way home from street fund raising. He is always there for me anytime and everywhere. 

What else I can ask for more when I have both of them !! They are so lovely and cute. Ok sorry that I look terrible in this picture :p I cant help to print screen it when mom was leaning on dad. This is the shoulder that you can depend on forever :) 

Prego Night 

Prego ~ One of the local fave choice for Italian Cuisine. I have to admit this is a true feel of Italian restaurant and this place is beautifully renovated. I heard the price of the food is above average but mostly think its worthy. I was so lucky that Pris, Lee Nuang and Mushroom "invited" us to this "fine" dining and we all had a great time. Thanks again for the wonderful dinner even though we expected a little bit too much :p But still it was awesome. Its already been almost 8 months I spend time with this group of beautiful people in Sg and they are just like my family here. I love every one of them. 

CuteRabbit's main course -vegeterian pizza 

Rosemary Breadie - I ate almost three (from lee nuang and delwin coz I was really hungry like hell)

Its been a while I went to city and I felt so good at this lovely land especially in this season ~ Chritmas. 

Christmas is coming soon and Im happy to see all the high tree (almost everywhere). 

We ended our night at "oopsy i totally forgot " paiseh. hahahaha but it was a great time spending w my colleagues hehehe 

Moiselle 

Marina Bay Sands ~ To me it is a romantic place to go with your partner because its filled up with decoration and jazz music. It was an honor for me to be able to attend Moiselle fashion show at the Women's Fashion Week 2012 at The Shoppes at MBS. Once again, thanks to my beautiful and gorgeous Pris for inviting us on behalf of ManMan for this unique show. As you know I do not have a proper camera, therefore didnt manage to take heaps of picture of the show but im sure it can be easily searched on google. How do you actually define Fashion ? To me, fashion is all about yourself. Wear whatever you feel confident and comfy with ( according to the situation of coz ) . I am aware that lots of ladies do not feel contended about themselves and always wana be better. I used to be like this. Tell you sth private about myself. I used to be really plump during my uni time and I was so frustrated and low confident. I started to spend time making up and painting my nails because I wanted to look attractive. In order to lose weight, I had eating disorder and I skipped meals. However when I felt hungry, I ate alot. I specially love cereals, cream biscuits and cakes. I was really stupid thinking by skipping normal meals I could lose weight but when I was hungry I couldnt control but to eat food that I think I wont feel guilty after eating them. Therefore I had really good appetite. Reason is because ~ once u skipped normal meal, ur mindset changed and you cant really think "healthily". I was so confused that why I still gain weight without eating rice and vege. I neglected my own feelings. A healthy mindset to stay healthy instead of losing weight tremendously in a short period of time. I took laxative and I puked after every meals. That was really serious. I was once admitted to the hospital due to severe gastric and diarrhea. When I grow older, I realise that with a proper mindset and a happy heart, we could stay healthy, fit and us :) Beautiful is be yourself confidently. Now, I eat alot and of course Ill still gain weight. However, I know how to control my weight and if I have been eating unhealthy food, I will remind myself and eat properly. Sometimes I do skip dinner because too lazy to go outside. But if I really too hungry, I will feed my tummy for sure. So ladies, be who you are and once you stay healthy, you are beautiful :)  

Adorable Chivvy with CuteRabbit. 

What else I can say about Pris ~~~ Gorgeous !! 

I knew Chivvy throught Pris and only after I moved to Singapore. Just 8 months but I feel super close with her. She has a kind heart and definitely willing to do so much for her friends. Appreciate your attendance in my life and may you stay pretty and happy.
Oh yeah, today Pris mentioned about "happiness". This kind lady has a wonderful vision which is to see her close friends stay happy and be truly themselves. Well this may sound simple and easy to you. But to me its not at all. You do not need any techniques to be an empowering friend but you need a heart that full with love and hope for the best for your friend.  I have this huge flaw in me. I focus too much on the things I don't have and forget about things I have. I believe it never too late to stay awake and aware. Life is awesome. It is !!! Today is our Best Day and so do Tomorrow :D Good night my dear friends and SMILE :)

SANRIO HELLO KITTY TOWN MALAYSIA

What's CuteRabbit's fave? Mostly know its anything to do with pink and Hello Kitty used to be my daily companion :p After I read entries about Tokyo Puroland , I already listed the trip as my priority next year (tho kinda hard :p ) and wana to fly to Taiwan's Hello Kitty Land as well. Thanks to Malaysia that we have the Hello Kitty Town at Johor and it is awesome. The town is not huge but its good enough for us already. We were all in sakai mode and I felt 5 years ago once again :D Actually there are two more towns here together with Hello Kitty but my eyes only see her :p hohoho 

Not only you can see HK , you can also see Barney and etc.

BunBun with Melody :) 

BunBun loves pink too :D 

I want that wallpaper for my room :D 

Pingu!!! Prissy loves him. She looks like staying in a winter country. Btw the place was freaking cold. We were all shivering plus thunder storm outside.

Now its time to head to the level 1 Hello Kitty Town. 

This is it !!!

We went crazy and super hyper coz everything is pink!! Trust me. Doesnt matter if u like pink or not, you will love this place.

I thought HK will be here taking pics w us. Too bad. 

This might look good in my future house :p 

Pretty lady on the pink couch. 

We took pics nonstop coz too happy :D 

This is the official Hello Kitty Room.

Imagine I have a Hello Kitty House. ok dun be so greedy. Just a room could be enough. Its always my dream to have a HK room in my future house and Im sure the dream will come true. yuhuuu Cant wait :D

Its time for special performance !!

FYI, all the Sanrio Family members dun entertain adults. I was there standing and cheering loud and wana shake hand w all the characters but all ignored me. wuwuw how sad i was. Even pictures also dun wan T_T

Hello Kitty Black Wonder is definitely fun for both kids and adults. You have to pass through the game so that you could get out  and it was so excited. Cant believe kids got answer quicker than us hahahah

  Yay we got our certificate :p so proud :p Then we headed to have some photoshooting with their costume. guess what!! we Qed for like half an more. There are more game rooms but not sempat to visit everyone.

BunBun + Melody = BunDy

Lastly we went for cookies class but look at my art work!! kns so i ate it quickly. However on the other hand, Swan decorated hers so well. Her passion is painting heheh

ByeBye to the beautiful town. We were heading back Sg and I was in a hurry for my usual Friday Gathering. Overall we had a wonderful day :)