When I was sedated Part II

I was awake after 13 days at ICU. After a while I only found out what happened were all my illusions. My family members were worrying outside the room and praying to hope I could wake up and be fine soon. It was heartbroken knowing my family members worrying for me. So what exactly had happened ? 

28th Feb Friday

At 4pm i was transferred from Normah to SGH and immediately went to emergency. After X Ray, doctors found out my lungs were both infected. Then I been sent to ICU then sedated.

1st March Saturday

My throat and lungs were badly infected ; liver enzyme was super high too. 

2nd March Sunday

Miracle happened. Baby Arthur was born in the morning and doctors claimed it as a spontaneous delivery. He was such a beautiful baby. How can that be possibly happen when I was so ill and I wasnt even aware at all. Doctors said I pushed when they asked me..Till now I have no memory that I gave birth.... Arthur is such a warrior...he saved his own life and also my life.

I wonder how my family members felt at that moment. Happy... Terrified...Worried..Thankful...

Immediately after born, baby Arthur was sent to NICU and put on a respirator.

3rd March Monday

My sis and bro in law (Alice and Yee Ho) arrived in the morning from UK. They are both doctors and I really thankful that they flew all the way. My MIL was very upset that she cried when she saw Alice. I could their sadness and worries. Thank God that Alice and yee Ho were there and that made my family understood more of my situation. Fuli and Christina ( my in laws as well) arrived the same day). I been told that two of my cousins came to visit me as well and few of my friends. Really appreciate...

4th March Tuesday

My liver enzyme went sky high. I believed everyone was super worry. 

5th March Wednesday

My liver enzyme dropped and I had mere conscious. However my AST was high ( i duno whats that :p), I had water around my heart but both lungs and throat were recovery. 

6th March Thursday

I slowly got better. I been told that Hilda and her group of friends were praying for me which I really thankful for. Sister Tiong who my mom met at Normah prayed for me as well. 

7th March Friday

I still had high fever but no more low glucose. My liver was good , CT Scan all good but fungal infection on throat. I was given IV antibiotic. My uncle and aunty were there as well. Doctors said if i still not woken by Monday, they will make a hole on my neck .

At the same day, baby Arthur came off high frequency ventilator. Still I had high fever but I started to breath by myself in the afternoon. 

8th March Saturday

All was stable but high fever still there. Baby Arthur was doing great as he off rapid ventilator and feeding was well. Alice and yee Ho still there with me..talking to me everyday... I started to move my heands in the afternoon when Alice was talking to me. Mom told me that I cried when she talked to me. Sis was worried everyday ..... For the first time, my dad started to lose hope...

Tony played me thousands years and Hannah's song as they were both my favourite. During the hardest time of Tony's , his best friends flew in and called everyday to make sure he was fine. Friendship.... beautiful....

9th March Sunday

I opened my eyes at 720am. Tony was so happy that he called everyone. He was in joy and happiness. However I wasn't fully awake and my movements were still limited. I was still weak. Again Tony played me Thousands years and hannah's prayer. Alice and Yee Ho flew back UK. It must be a tough week for them. 

ENT doctor checked my throat and it all looked good. I started to response by giving a node or shake my head side to side. 

10th March Monday

I was awake and more alert but I didn't sleep the whole night. I was a bit confused about what happened

Actually I had no memories of all the things that I wrote above. Tony wrote down what happened. Most of my memories were illusion and thats why doctors suspected I had depression. life is really interesting. there are some things in life that are out of your control that you can't change and you got to live with it. When I was fully awake... I felt miserable.....

When I was sedated Part 1

I barely remember I was lying on the hospital bed on the glass floor and I was on the second floor. I can see people working underneath me. Why I couldn't move? I have needles and clip on me. Why ? Oh yeah I was admitted to hospital and ya Im still at Normah hospital. I wanted to go home. I didnt trust western treatment. Please send me to traditional medicine doctor. Please let me cure naturally at home. This place is really scary. I saw mice everywhere...under my bed and on the ceiling... whats the reptile thingy... I was so scared they crawled to my bed. I never been so terrified. Then the mice ran to my bed. I couldn't scream. My voice was so weak. I saw Tony. I begged and cried to him to bring him home. He didn't want to . I explained my thoughts but it didn't work. 

We missed our appointments with gynae because I walked so slowly and I was sleepy most of the time. I duno why I was so blury and things were out of control. My gynae scolded me and complained to the other doctor who was suppose to treat my tonsillitis that we being rude not to turn up for our appointment. My sis came to apologise. I wanted to say sorry but why I cant wake up and it took me ages to sit up from my bed. I tried to remove the clip on my finger but it kept clicking me back. Why and how did that happen? Everything was so weird and didn't make sense. 

Not sure how ...then I was pushed to operation room. I peed and pooped on bedpan. It was so cold. I had to lift up my buttock . Nurses were there to take care of me. Everything was in white color. Then I was fine. I walked out but I didn't stay in the apartment Im staying now. Tony , mil and me stayed in another house. All the while i felt so weak and sleepy. I was craving for cendol. I must go to the most popular stall in Kuching for it. But how come I kept fall asleep. I wanted to eat bread so badly so i tried to walk nearby the place I stayed for it but I can't. Tony couldn't find one as well. Some friends appeared and I went to a shop where I saw many of my friends. Then I saw my close friends... Joe, Wing, Lulu, Nicole, Hilda, Sk , Grace were waiting for me outside my ward. So weird Im back to my ward again. They didn't come in to see me. I had no idea why. They seemed worried. wheres my mom and dad. I heard my sis and darren. Tony was always with me. 

I remembered I was going to deliver at Normah via cesarean. The progress was so weird. My gynae was busy when I was ready to give birth so I been pushed to aside where theres reptile on the ceiling. Good thing was that there was a nurse treated me so well. Few nurses then bathed me when I suppose to give birth. The good nurse cut bit of my hair then wanted to make some liquid thingy. She said this is like a traditional remedy in her kampung. After drink it, everything will be fine. I was scared...... 

Then I duno what happened to my baby. After that I remembered my friends and families were visiting baby Arthur . Guess he was born. I wanted to see him but I kept falling asleep. Suddenly Pris was lying beside me. Wowo she flew all the way from Sg . She must be worrying about me. She was waiting for me to see baby Arthur. i tot I already stood up and walked to the baby room but again I woke up lying on the hospital bed again. At the same time theres a patient sleeping beside me. That was another terrified experience. I claimed that he had ATP ( I was so sure that this sickness exist and he was all the time beside me but he was unreal). Because we shared same machine, I ended up with the ATP. Oh No!! Why all this happen. I do not understand why. When they guy ( David) in pain, he will grab my thigh and scream out loud. Coz prissy was lying beside so he grabbed her thigh and she was horrified. I wanted to see my baby so badly so I forced myself to get up but I realised i still on my bed even tho I tot I walked to the nursing room already. Confusing... I asked Prissy to wake me up if I fall asleep again as I think I might be falling asleep easily and in my dream I tot I walked to the baby room. ended up she went to see baby but I didn't as Im still at the same spot. I heard my sister crying due to breastfeeding too long . She blamed me for not seeing my own baby. I wanted but I just cant. I didn't understand why ( later on I know its all my dream. Reason I woke up but found out I was in bed was coz I was sedated). 

That night I didn't know when Prissy went back. I wanted to offer her to sleep at my place but I couldn't see her. David ( the guy w ATP) was with his two boys and a divorced wife. They all had ATP. It was weird when the wife was at the same room while the boys at other place. She was kinda jealous that he kept holding me when he was in pain. Ended up she slept beside me. Weird kan... normally we are not able to contact with the patient next to us. somehow I can .... when I realised I had ATP, I was so scared. Whts the symptons of this sickness... Well... my palm produced some sort of us liquid which was truly disgusting then it produced crystal. Nurses wanted to take away the crystal to sell for money but I advised them not as it might be poisonous so I gave most to David while I kept some for lab testing. 

After that i been moved to ICU then I found out theres a gal without legs sleeping beside me ( same bed) OM good ness... she was fully wrapped and she had severe diarrhea and she vomitted all the time. I kept pressing her body and I felt so sorry. At the same time theres another woman sleeping on the floor ( her mom actually who didn't have money to sleep on hospital bed so doctor allowed her to get treatment on the floor). i kept asking nurses to separate us because it was too ridiculous. On the other hand, I felt someone at my right side( a pillow with hearbeats). I was scared but then he gave me rm 200. Everything was so crazy. 

The "right side" incident happened before too. Tony was resting beside me on my hospital bed for quite a sometimes. I was worried so I woke him up. Then found out he had high fever. I was so worried so I called nurses. Doctor was here in a while then gave him medicine. After a while, he appeared at the front desk then we were all shocked. I turned to my right side and I saw a pig head wearing Tony's clothe. It was another scary experience. We all didn't know why this can happen... 

One day I begged Tony and nurses to allow me to see baby Arthur. I had a feeling that he was dead coz I heard my sis cried terribly. They told me he was alive but I didn't believe. Then I saw a dead baby passing by my bed. I tot it was him. Again I wasn't sure whats truth and whats lies. However I remember I asked nurse to bring my milk pump to pump my milk coz breastfeeding always been so important to me. I didn't wana miss any opportunity to breastfeed my child. But I was too weak to speak out loud. That " want but cannot" 's feeling really bad. Others hardly hear my words..something wrong to my voice. I saw needles on me and i felt so uncomfortable so I pulled off everything. I was quite happy. But nurses weren't. They were so angry at me then tighted me up. I was in pain. I begged them to release me but they trusted me no more. 

Later on, I been told to behave properly so that I can move to a better hospital so I did what been told. I hardly remember the details as everything seemed to be so vague. But the one last thing I remembered before I was totally awakened was that I being pushed to level 4 labor ward. Then I started to get more confused....

Fever and Tonsillitis during my 6th month pregnancy

               

A day after CNY 2014 , I took this picture and sent to Prissy after we had our viber chat as usual. I was having high fever and sore throat. I wasnt really worried so much coz I knew I will be fine but of course I didnt dare to take any medicine as I was in my 6th month pregnancy.  I suppose to blog about my husband's proposal, wedding then my pregnancy but always been so lazy and now finally Im in the mood to blog about what had happened to me since the past 3 months. 3 months sound so short but I learned so much and experienced heaps. 

In order for me to get better, as usual, I hid myself under thick quilt without air con and drank lots of warm water. My mother in law (MIL) started to get worried and boiled barli and liang desserts for me. However it didnt work. My sister in law even massaged my feet referring to a "xue dao"'s book. I didn't get any better but truly appreciate my mom and sis in law effort in helping me to recover. Tony definitely worried because it wasnt a good sign to get sick when I was pregnant. I posted in fb and googled what happened when a pregnant mom had fever and flu. It seemed like not a super big deal and it could be cured. 

The next day I went to see gynae in Brunei coz I didn't get any better. I didn't get an ultrasound because I wanted to let my gynae in Normah Kuching to scan as I want to deliver my baby there. Doctor prescribed antibiotic and panadol but I didn't take till the next morning I took one panadol coz I felt so much insecure. So we decided to fly to Kuching the next day since my due date was in 3 months time. I might as well just 

enjoy my last 3 months pregnancy there.

Then here I was in Kuching International Airport around 9pm. My sis and bro in law already waited for me at Normah Hospital as I decided to go to the emergency so that I can see my gynae as soon as possible. I had gastric when I was on the plane . We rented a car and the service was so slow at the airport. I was already in pain and yet the car not yet there. 

Then Tony drove me to the hospital. Immediately I was sent to emergency. A doctor came to check on me and I seemed alright. then I was admitted to the ward. 

Since then Tony was keeping me company in the hospital. He had to sleep on the colorful lazy chair which costed around rm 15 per day ( I cant really remember the exact amount but def more than rm 15). I was given medicine which I didn't remember. The next day my mom flew in and uncle aunty and colin visited me as well. We sorted out the insurance thingy as per room charge is rm 500 per night. I didn't know how long I should stay in the hospital. 

The next day we went to see gynae at 8am . Good news was that baby was alright , just a lil bit stressed out due to my high temperature. Gynae suggested me to see a doctor then  found out that I had tonsillitis. How can i possibly get it as it happened mostly on children.  

I always been afraid of needles on me  and here you are...Guess what...after the first day... I lost all my memories then I started to have illusion.. I had so much dreams which some were real and unreal. 

My sister told me I passed through my nightes at Normah with gastric pain. I screamed in pain every night till nurses and cleaners were freaked out. It was like a curse that after 6pm I had gastric pain. My family had no idea what went wrong till doctors informed us that the medicine I was taking had side effect which was gastric. Then they decided to dose me via my buttock. 

Later on my dad and mil came as well but I had no memories on that. Guess it must be a terrible experience that I cant even recall it. Due to my yelling and screaming, my gynae scolded and lectured me to grow up and to be strong but she had no idea that I was really in pain instead of manja-ing. During the time I was in Normah, I begged to go home and asked for traditional medicine treatment but it seemed not working coz I needed proper treatment. My sis even invited a chinese traditional doctor to give me some medicine and Tony invited his pharmacist friend for medicine. Still .. I didn't get any better. 

Tony told me that ENT doctor wanted to do operation on my throat due to my tonsillitis but its harmful to me as I was pregnant. Cesarean is definitely a no to me.... 

My condition got worse then after a week Normah decided not to treat me because they couldn't take premie ( if I delivered that time they wouldnt be able to treat my baby). Then they sent me to Sarawak General Hospital. My family thought i was conscious as my eyes were opened widely when I was being sent to the GH. Unfortunately I had no idea whats going on. But I remember I had so much dreams and illusions....

The last month

In four days time, it will be my last month in this lion city, Singapore. I dun really have much work to do beside supporting my colleagues in the office. Therefore I am quite free and this is the best time for me to enjoy the moment with my close friends. I used to be so busy and now things change but Im glad that I really enjoying the moment except sometimes it can be bored but im thankful for given the chance to stay present and feel my friends' energy. It is really wonderful to see my colleagues everyday and talk and share with them. You guys really make my day. I will definitely miss you all. I spend most of time with my colleagues and they are definitely my super close friends. 

At the same time, Tony is away for his learning journey which I am really happy for him. My "more free time" making me miss him even more. This is really a special feeling.. I don't feel upset not having him around but it makes me even more sure that he is the one. I cant wait to see him in few days time as we always have great time together. I am missing his smile right now. He is such a happy man and he empowers me alot. He is a serious man of course so i kinda pity him sometimes for being "bullied" by me with all the "little girl" thingy.. such as to understand why I am so in love with bun bun and bon bon and now dumbum ; why i must hv my blanket with me everywhere I sleep; why I must control my diet; why i hv to put on my fake eyelashes; why i can eat like a tiger; why i can don't eat brekky and dinner...Well of course we have deep talk about our past, present and future. 

I am really thankful for this relationship as it includes everything... emotionally... mentally... spiritually and physically...I am glad that I discover the main objective in my life. To create love with the special one and spread our love to the others... 

CR's Relationship

Today CR would like to talk about her current relationship. Yes I am in a long distance relationship which is really amazing. I used to feel so upset and lost in most of my relationship and I tried so hard to look deeper in me and tried to "put on " values I learned from classes and "forcing" myself to practice it. From this relationship, then only I realize, you dun have to practice to be the perfect partner. When you are dating the right one, the empower one, you will be the best you can because you are "holding" the most precious gift in the world. You wouldn't hurt your treasure or lost it because its the best. I changed lot ever since I started to date with Tony .. Well change is the only constant..I am not changing to please my partner but I am changing to be the best I can be for our relationship and for our future. When you are ready for your relationship and your partner, there is no rule or force to be yourself.. everything flow and even challenges come, you will switch to violet and embrace everything. 

Through us, I learn mind control and erase habit of worry because our intention is to live a more purposeful and rewarding life. Constant communicating is our first key to be so connected everyday. We never fail to align everyday, share our appreciation list and pray everyday... And I know we will always practice it ... We both believe in affirmation. 

Its a blessing that we both have mastered the art of loving ourself before we decided to commit in our relationship. We didnt start our relationship base on romance or loneliness. We learn to connect as a friends as friendship is the greatest form of love. We believe that only when you opened your own heart then you can touch the hearts of others. We touch each others heart and its time for us to touch more lives together. 

However after we decided to be one, we are no longer just each other's friends, we are each other's first priority. We believe that without putting each other as the first, we couldn't have a committed relationship. our bonding is so strong that we are able to respect and love our family, care our siblings, share more love to our friends and colleagues. We have to make sure that our love is over flow that we could nurture our children properly and let them feel as much love as they can. 

Words are definitely not enough in maintaining our relationship. Therefore, its very important on how we show up not only to each other but also to our friends. We have to be so aware of the environment we are in and friends that we mix. We share everything and learning to connect as deeply as possible. 

Dating is sweet and life time companion is a commitment. At this point, I am very sure that I am ready for the commitment and I am willing to be the best I can be. 

Most important is that we have to be aware that theres no mistakes in life, only lessons. There is no such thing as a negative experience, only opportunities to grow, learn and advance along the road of self mastery. From struggle comes strength. Even pain can bee a wonderful teacher. 

Singapore Zoo 2013

First of all, CR would like to thanks Zua for inviting us to the Singapore Zoo. It was a great outing as I always love to hang out with my besties.. no matter where is it. I just feel awesome to hv such great time with my best friends. So here we are... so paiseh zua we even doubted you for bringing to the wrong bus.. surprisingly the bus we took stopped us right infront of the zoo.... yuhuuu

I already been in SG for a year plus and never been here. so sakai mode. Actually theres so much more places in SG I hvt been to .. its okay.. hopefully im able to experience as much as I can before I leave Sg or anyway im sure theres chance in future. 

As usual, when i look at this cute tiger jacket, I wana take pic of it or with him. The guy in charged was being so nice to offer me the whole thing :p So I wore it and took a pic tho its been worn by thousands ppl probably :p  is okay la :p

What I saw most in SG Zoo? !! Ang Gao!! wuiseh.. everywhere also ang gao.. got long tail got no nail got like apple face, got like human face, got pampered one, got ugly one got hami type also got...

Posted the below pic then Tony asked why we bent our knees... Actually I also duno why oh. Why ah !!
Anyway i think this is a good group photos of us heheh

See another ang gao.

 SG zoo has many animals and u know by using phone camera I cant really take nice pictures of them. Therefore I cincai took some only. Im sure u all can imagine what animals can be seen there hehe

Four of us did have so much . As i said, its not about the place but the quality moment I had with my bestie. Frankly speaking, I dun really agree of the zoo concept as every animals deserves to be free. I was kinda upset looking at how animals been caged and how much freedom they lost. Well of course, it is a good place to protect them from dangers as so many animals out there been killed or slaughtered. Again, we human really need to be more awared of the living animals that are still alive. We have to treasure and appreciate them.

We all belong to the mother earth and so do them. They deserve to have their own freedom too. We should respect and show our compassion. 

Mostly is here for kai kia and jia jia.. Well at least I took pictures w them :p We didnt manage to see them as its at the other area which we had to pay to enter. Next time hao le hehehe

Too Good To be True

Good Morning my beautiful friends. I love waking up with a positive energy knowing that Today is The Best Best Day! Im thankful that my parents are eating well and fit while I was skyping them and Im glad that I woke up thinking of my partner. I couldn't say enough thanks for having such a beautiful life. Well, is it perfect? Is it happiness all the time ? Is it no cries? I have to be honest, life is sucks sometimes and we fall. However to me, they are all good. What comes , I embrace. What happen, I smile. I believe God has His plan for me and I just need to keep moving and enjoy every moment that have been planned for me. 

Choices are meant to make. So I make choices. Choices that make me a better me. Do not ask am i doing the right thing! Do not judge am I making the right decision! Because I only do things I think its right and worth to give it a try. Live no regrets and have faith and be committed. Live with love and no fear. 

When I chose to be real happy and be thankful and believe God is always there, My life changed totally. I have committed to myself to be in love with myself first and believe in miracle. Then I found my true one. Then I am committed to my life values. Firstly to be a vegetarian with compassion and an authentic heart. Easy? No!! But I put faith in action. I believe in me and I know I can do it. Just by keep believing and keep moving and keep doing the right things. 

Another beautiful. Im leaving my room soon to work and guess what another 105 L of water to carry. Good exercise :p Enjoy your day everyone. Hugsss